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a through z...

i got this from jennifer so im bored... so...


A. Age: 27... i'll be 28 next week

B. Bed size: queen

C. Chore you hate: dishes

D. Dogs: one day i hope... a cocker spaniel...

E. Essential start to your day: itunes

F. Favorite color: midnight blue... the way the sky looks on a clear night after a city wide power outage...

G. Gold or silver: gold

H. Height: 5'8''

I. Instruments you play: i suppose the piano or guitar....

J. Job title: banking at wells fargo!! =)

K. Kids: i do have 4 nephews but no kids of my own... maybe one day...

L. Live: west palm beach

M. Mom’s name: leyla

N. Nicknames: i don't really have any i guess...

O. Overnight hospital stays: overnight never...

P. Pet peeve: people who don't proceed forward when the light has been green for 5 seconds

Q. Quote from a movie: "This is our world now. The world of the electron and the switch; the beauty of the baud. We exist without nationality, skin color, or religious bias. You wage wars, murder, cheat, lie to us and try to make us believe it's for our own good, yet we're the criminals. Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. I am a hacker, and this is my manifesto. You may stop me, but you can't stop us all."

R. Right or left handed: righty

S. Siblings: one brother and one sister

T. Time you wake up: i'd wake up in a cold sweat around 3-4am but for work between 7-730 or as early as 6am depending on my schedule..

U. Underwear: i wear them...

V. Vegetables you dislike: cauliflower?..

W. What makes you run late: depression mostly...

X. X-Rays you’ve had: skull, face, head, teeth...

Y. Yummy food you make: i can make make pretty much anything only i never cook for myself... if i'm cooking that means i have a guest coming over...

Z. Zoo: i guess metro zoo but i haven't been there since i was 8 or 9

gotta new job and stuff

i should be ecstatic about my new job along with all the new opportunities it comes with like stability and financial independence but i'm not.. i'd really like to be and happy and excited for it... but i'm not i mean i'm happy i got the job at the company i wanted but i'm not i feel... well not indifferent cause i'd definitely care if i didn't have the job anymore i guess apathetic?..

Sadness most of the day
Low energy or fatigue
Loss of interest in favorite activities
Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
Difficulty concentrating
Irritability, restlessness, or being slowed down
Feeling worthless or guilty
Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
Significant weight change
Thoughts about suicide or dying

so do you have to have all 10 of these to self-diagnose for depression?.. what if i only have 9 outta 10?..

i don't even wanna play wow anymore most of the time...

perhaps once my benefits kick in this october i'll make an appointment to see a psychologist... i'm rather scared of what he/she may or may not say to me...

jose's christmas story of 2010...

as far back as i can remember i always managed to remember specific gifts i've been given during the holidays that were of some significance... interestingly enough, most of these gifts were things that couldn't be bought but only given...

this year was given a gift by someone i have never met before...

i've been sick for the past couple of months... i couldn't stop coughing no matter what i did, the only time i stopped was when i was sleeping...

naturally i declined to go to the doctor as i was unemployed and without medical insurance... of course my mother just like every other mother since the beginning of time took it upon herself to set an appointment with a lung specialist despite the fact that i argued that i have no insurance and in no financial position to pay for a two hundred dollar visit let alone any prescription medication i end up getting...

i arrived promptly at two thirty the day of my appointment... as i filled out all the new patient info and extra info they wanted from me as i had no insurance... i realized that even though i may no longer have a sickness problem, when i leave this office, i will have an even bigger money problem...

i was called towards last bunch of patients... the medical assistant took my height, weight, temperature, and vital signs... as i waited, the medical exam room all of the sudden looked so intimidating for the first time since i was toddler and afraid of needles...

the doctor came in shortly along with a medical student... he asked if it was okay if the student observed and asked questions while he treated me... remembering i was an emt student once myself shadowing fire rescue teams and hospital staff, i was glad to help... the doctor proceeded to ask about the onset of my condition and things of that nature... as the doctor poked and prodded and looked down my throat i'd hear him explain out loud to the student what he is looking for as far as signs and symptoms... after wards he listened to my lungs as did the medical student and that was the end of the exam...

the doctor said this may be from a cold that wasn't exactly cured correctly and as a result my throat has been irritated and/or i could be asthmatic... based on the history given to him from me he didn't feel a chest x-ray was necessary at this time... "i'm going to give you two medicines to rule these out and i wanna see you next month... please make an appointment with the receptionist and have yourself a merry christmas young man"

i tried desperately to find the courage to tell this doctor that i had no ways of paying him at this time let alone a second visit but alas shame and guilt took over and i all i managed to get out was "thank you doctor" before he was on his way to see his other appointments... of course the medical student followed him like a string of an untied shoe lace..

i was expecting two prescriptions both of which i couldn't afford, but i as i scrambled to put my shirt back on i was greeted by the medical assistant who had a nasal spray and inhaler in hand... she showed me how to administer the drug and indicated the dosage before giving them to me... i made my way to the receptionist, gave her my paperwork, and asked to make my appointment for next month as the doctor indicated...

i asked the receptionist how much i owed for the visit and medications and if there was any way i could pay some of it now and be billed for the rest later...

"ummmm let's se here," she replied as she looked over my paper work, "the doctor ordered no charge... you're good to go..."

o.O (insert biggest wtf face here)

"i don't understand... does he want me to pay him when i come back in january then?" i asked...

"no... he ordered no charge sir... you don't have to pay anything..."

i was rather overwhelmed... instincts wanted me to run back in and give him a big ole' hug and thank him but i knew better than to interrupt a medical professional in the middle of his practice...

i managed to say "oh... thank you so much... i'll see you next year i guess..." and i left...

it wasn't until i glanced over at the passenger seat of my car and looked at the medications he had given me before i fully realized what had happened...

in a society where i have witnessed how broken our health care has become i came across this doctor who looked at me as a sick individual rather than a patient without insurance...

his name is dr. carlos w sanchez

i will be forever grateful and hope i'll be in a position to pay this forward someday... this was nothing short of a christmas miracle for me...

i hope everyone has a fabulous christmas and an amazing new years...

wee bit of an update

so i've been spending a lotta time playing WoW...

definitely enjoy playing with byfarv and stuff... we have such a great time... who else if the lj users that are still around play this game btw?.. if you don't play it you should definitely try it!.. at least the ten day trial... i've been very anti WoW for years and when i finally decided to go ahead and try it i really wish i would've gotten into it from the beginning...

ironically it's patch tuesday so i do have a little bit of time to write... i've been pretty sick for the past week or so... i'm just snow starting to get a little bit better...

i start my new job on december 6th... definitely looking forward to it a lot...

that's all for now... time for my medication to get betters...

Writer's Block: Unplugged

For how much money would you be willing to spend a whole week away from the Internet, TV, and mobile phones? Would you suffer withdrawal pains?

this would really all depend as to what resources i'd have available to me at the time...

contrary to popular belief i can manage fine without these things provided i have the friends and resources to hang out and have a great time...

when i was in my pre-teens and early teens i managed to spend hours reading books... i'd probably spend my time reading autobiographies and memoirs... some examples might include:
Enter the Past Tense: My Secret Life as a CIA Assassin by Robert K. Gagnon
Front of the Class: How Tourette's Syndrome Made Me the Teacher I Never Had by Brad Cohen
Don't Pee on My Leg and Tell Me It's Raining: America's Toughest Family Court Judge Speaks out by Judge Judy
Confessions of a Trauma Junkie: My Life as a Nurse Paramedic by Sherry Jones Mayo
Extraordinary Circumstances: The Journey of a Corporate Whistleblower by Cynthia Cooper

as you can see living in a state that's constantly being threatened by hurricanes kinda makes me wanna be somewhat prepared as to what to do in case such events do happen X-D i know exactly what kinda books i'd read that'll keep me busy for a while...

besides reading i'd probably wanna be playing some kinda be playing some kinda sport or games with friends provided i have a way of getting in touch with them... i mean the deal here is just no cell phones so i could use my house line and make plans the way i did when i was 13... no big deal there...

i'd also be exercising a whole lot in an effort to tire myself out in such a way that by the time i get home all i wanna do is either sleep or lie down and read any of the aforementioned books...

so provided i'd have the resources for all the above it really wouldn't take much if anything at all really... however if i didn't then that's a whole different ball game....

Writer's Block: You must remember this

How do memories influence the decisions you make? Is it better to embrace memories, even the painful ones, or cast them off?


cast them off where exactly?.. until we can pull an "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" completely forgetting about an event that happened in the past is impossible... all it takes is someone to say hey remember that time or maybe anything in particular could remind you of said event or thing...

i guess the best thing is to accept the things that happened to you in the past is the reason you are the way you are today...

the good news is that the future hasn't been written yet and you have full control of your destiny... so start today and create those events that will become better and pleasant memories in the future...

Writer's Block: How you like me now?

What's the craziest thing you've ever done to impress someone? Did it work?


craziest... i suppose in terms of craziness i drank an incredible amount of alcohol in a short amount of time... apparently this wasn't the best idea because it's definately a real burden when you have to keep track of what is going on when you keep slipping in and out of consciousness...

to be honest i wasn't really exactly trying to impress anyone per say but more so in terms of trying to blend in the group lol.. i guess in terms of that it kinda worked cause i was invited for the next party and stuff but i declined... it just wasn't really my scene...

in terms of trying to impress someone in hopes of getting their attention and stuff like that well... i did send flowers to this girl's job unannounced... one day she was sad she couldn't get this puppy she wanted so i sent her a stuffed puppy dog lol... i guess stupid little unexpected things like that mostly... nothing really extravegant... as far as whether or not it works well i dunno X-D... we still talk all the time so i suppose...
Have you ever closed the door on an opportunity or a relationship in order to open another door, only to realize you made the wrong choice?


i have...

and i will be both regretful and thankful for it at the same time...

these are the times in any young man's life where he realizes a lesson is learned... whether it's the easy way or in my case the hard way...

i do wish i could've made a different choice or at least met the person at a much later stage in my life where i was a little more mature and grown up...

in the end it does make me a much better person for my next potential partner... but at the same time you can't exactly keep making mistake after mistake cause there may not be another potential partner the next time...

Writer's Block: A real eye opener

Which one book should everyone read, and why?


tuck everlasting is definately one of the most beautiful books i have read... i read it in fifth grade i believe in ms gutarra's class...

even though i was always the trouble maker in class and never liked to pay much attention i secretly read the book itself on my own at home...

Writer's Block: Hey, big spender

Should there be limits on how much money a political candidate can spend on an election campaign, and why?


i always thought we should be electing a candidate who had the best ideas and not the wealthiest...

to be honest i don't think we should even know the names of the people running to begin with... the only thing we should know about them is things that you know... MATTER?! their education, experience, thoughts, plans, and ideas... who cares what they look like or how much money you have to go around...

you should just be called candidate 1 and candidate 2

they would each have all their beliefs, plans, and ideas underneath their corresponding candidate number and then we could all vote either candidate 1 or candidate 2...

doing it this way there wouldn't be anymore whinners saying "omg obama won cause he's black!"